New Grief
It’s like growing a lizard’s tail
from the spot where some
sanctuary butterfly tattoos.
A green tail, finely scaled,
whipping behind you
the way intrusive thoughts careen
through your head. People stare,
they cross the street, you think
it’s because you’re alive
and you’re right, dead things
can’t grow lizard tails.
Sometimes you hurt
the ones closest to you,
your tail smacks, crashes
the vase, kills the cat
-shaped cookie jar,
snickerdoodles crumbing
a galaxy across the kitchen floor,
and every time you say sorry
a door opens onto a room
where a telephone rings
and rings and no one answers.
Sometimes you forget the tail is there.
You go to the grocery store,
into the ice cream aisle,
pick up a pint of Butter Pecan,
and a child asks their mother: “Why
is that man with a tail crying?”
When, finally, the tail falls off
and for the first time in months
your body swings free, don’t worry.
Grief always grows back.
from the spot where some
sanctuary butterfly tattoos.
A green tail, finely scaled,
whipping behind you
the way intrusive thoughts careen
through your head. People stare,
they cross the street, you think
it’s because you’re alive
and you’re right, dead things
can’t grow lizard tails.
Sometimes you hurt
the ones closest to you,
your tail smacks, crashes
the vase, kills the cat
-shaped cookie jar,
snickerdoodles crumbing
a galaxy across the kitchen floor,
and every time you say sorry
a door opens onto a room
where a telephone rings
and rings and no one answers.
Sometimes you forget the tail is there.
You go to the grocery store,
into the ice cream aisle,
pick up a pint of Butter Pecan,
and a child asks their mother: “Why
is that man with a tail crying?”
When, finally, the tail falls off
and for the first time in months
your body swings free, don’t worry.
Grief always grows back.
Todd Dillard’s poems have appeared in numerous journals, including American Poetry Review, Guernica, Fairy Tale Review, Waxwing and The Adroit Journal. His debut collection “Ways We Vanish” (Okay Donkey Press) was a finalist for the 2021 Balcones Poetry Award. His chapbook “Ragnorak at the Father-Daughter” dance is forthcoming from Variant Literature in 2024. He is a Poetry Editor at The Boiler Journal.
Beaver Magazine 