my friend and i discuss the end of the world during dinner

i think i might think about the future too much. i think you think too much about something that doesn’t
exist. doesn’t it? the tense is all wrong. won’t it exist? won’t. the future, that is. well the way you say it
implies future as something that is yet to be so therefore there isn’t a future. only ever the possibility of
it. fine, so let’s talk about future’s possibility. once i wanted to watch the sun burn out but now i know
we’ll never get there. i’ve been asking all my friends when they think the world is going to end. that’s
kind of depressing. well it’s really only a matter of time. the thing about the sun collapsing in on itself
is that we wouldn’t feel a thing. one minute there and then unbecoming. it hurts to become. so if we go
by that logic — well you can’t logic your way out of the apocalypse. the end of the world makes perfect
sense to me. i don’t think my mother understands i don’t think she is ever going to understand.
understand what. i’m collecting little apocalypses. like i’m at a beach with my feet buried in the cold
wet sand and i’m picking up cracked shells and broken sand dollars you know i used to think they were starfish because of the shape and my dad told me they were you know like you lie to children. like when you tell them it won’t be billions of years before the sun implodes and so they mustn’t be afraid of the end of the world ‘cause it’ll only ever happen in the future. but well the future doesn’t exist. yeah. so i’ve been collecting those end-of-worlds from my friends just like that. splintered and kind of pointy and if you grip it too tight it crumbles like sand. and what do you do with them. well i close my hands around them. usually saltwater spills through my fingers. and i take them home. you keep them. what does that do? i’m not sure. it doesn’t do anything. but meaning is often heavier than the bodies we attach it to.

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Julia Stolear is a 21-year-old translator and writer based in São Paulo, Brazil. A couple of her poems were published in fifth wheel press‘s 2023 “Come Sail Away” issue. She has recently graduated with a Bachelor’s in Translation, after defending her undergrad thesis on translation as a tool of colonization.